shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


with that thought,
i am ready to fail all my subjects just for my dad's recovery.

bad things come in a row.
i tried to keep it to myself but i cant hold it in anymore.
to see my father losing weight, rejecting food,
several signs of well, be frank, death...
coughing, weakness...
i cant help but to feel like crying.
the knowing of losing him to death
i just dont know how to deal with it...
i am imagining thing, i am insane.

things just get worse.
to get rejected, all that naive thoughts
the smiling face before the bitting cold words...
hurts, hurts like hell...

to top that, results are out...
and knowing i will flunk a few subjects... and god knows what will help...
i dont know,
i just have to wait for the letter right?

why is that things could only go worse not better?
why is that when i finally can SUPPORT my family, i get to lose my dad?
why?
i dont care,
if i am to choose between good results or dad... i want daddy... i dont care... i just want to see my dad, smiling and eating... i promise to be a good girl...
i promise to be nice to those that hurts me, i promise to be whatever you want me to be and give up whatever you want me to give up.
i just want to give my dad all that he likes, get him food that he likes
i just want a chance to make him happy.

yay, i am still alive...!
i thought the run would have killed me... but =) i survived it!!!
21km without training for two weeks...
=) very happy with the results... =) i didnt do that badly... 2005's timing was 2hrs and 22mins... this time round was 2 hrs and 20 plus mins too! and my flu wasnt entirely recovered too!!!
=)
to come and think about it, i was fantasizing my own funeral!

well, i have survive without the internet for 4 days and not missing it.
took a well deserved 'break', staying at home, being pampered and having some 'me' time.
as a result,
felt 'charged' and refresh.

thx for all the concerns given... hugz hugz!
i'll be (yes i know i am crazy!) running the full marathon this sunday... (i think previously, i got the dates all mixed up...)
if i collapse and die, please come for my funneral... =)
if i dont, continue to date me...
=)

i seriously thought that with enough rest, i can pull through.
apparently not.
went to see doc yesterday and found out
i got LUNGS INFECTION!
forgot the proper medical term for it but any further delay in treatment, i will end up coughing out blood...
i didnt know i was that ILL
now, i am to REST AND REST AND REST...
(but i am itching to run, how?)
i guess any form of exercise could only start on thursday (i am supposed to rest for a month but AHM is next saturday!!! that means i can only train on thurs, fri and sat!)
i WILL go slow and easy on my AHM... i WILL clock about 3 hours (oh no... so embarrassing!)
sigh...
meanwhile, after sleeping for more than 14 hours in a row, i am feeling a bit more energetic... you wont believe me but two days ago, taking 7 steps would leave me breathless! i am clearing up my table and will be doing my long-overdue laundry and change my bedsheets in a while.
somehow, lazing at home during the weekend seem so nice... i might just get used to it! =)

i always feel sick but i always feel better after a good sleep...
but last evening was different.
i woke up yesterday feeling strange... i was sweating on my way to the mrt station and when i got on the train, i was shivering...
i lost my appetite... (didnt notice that cos i thought it was normal not to eat much on the days i didnt train)
i had no strength to go out for lunch...
i started freezing in the office...
...
it doesnt matter... took me all the effort to had a quick dinner with ben (it was our thirteenth)...
was burning with a fever when i reached home...
had dinner again and my temperature keep rising... kor had to get me the kodomo's fever pad (the one for babies' forehead...) i had one on my forehead and one at the back of my neck...
the scariest part (to me) was that after i took a cold shower, my hair dried within half an hour!
ended up tearing cos my eyes felt like it was being cooked...

my sobz story...
because my boss is in taiwan, because i am under probation, because this is the best time to show my worth, because i have to meet a LOT of deadline...
i am back at work...
feeling sick and dizzy...

i know i overworked myself... i know i know and i know...
but i cant help it... i am young and energetic... i supposed to take over these as easy as ABC...
sigh...
i think i need to go for a heart scan... last night, i had a chest cramp, my heart felt like bursting with pain (when i say heart, i really mean heart). i was gasping for air and i couldnt move... heart attack? impossible... but still i shall go find out...
sigh...
i am freeing up this week to stay at home to rest. how am i going to be in condition to finish 21km, i dont know... but i am not going to force myself, this i know...

i cant help but to feel tired and sick...
i swear, SWORE, that i would keep this week free to rest...
sigh... of course, in the end that's only a wish...

went to night safari last friday... was feeling really shit but tell you, it was a miracle! once i got into boon's car, all was right again...
=) of course, i adopted yet another animal... will show and tell in another post!!! =)

another note to myself... better stick to the training plan starting from today! I am not including diet check cos i know i am really pathetic at that... AHM is next next wk!!! *GASP* i totally forgotten about it!!! oh dear... i am only at 10-15km... how to do 21? *panicking*

back to work...

photos from NDP...

us!

=)


our funky headwear

march pass

finale!