shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


-shake myself violently-
stop dreaming
get moving!
put on your specs, focus around you
you dont just exist on this world ALONE!

this week just zap pass me so quickly that i havent stopped to take a deep breath, read a good book, have a decent meal, relax my shoulders...
things have been piling up and surprise of all surprises... i cleared 4 papers already...
on my way out of the exam hall yesterday, i saw marie, looking very refreshed and delighted. yup, i recognised that look, that look of 'my years of studying is officially over!'
i have two more weeks to that. just two more.

sociology=weird dreams
i was mugging (real last minute) till late last night and thank God, i fell asleep promptly... then i dreamt. i dreamt that i was drying my hair with my hairdryer (since when do i use a hair dryer?!) and then my hairdryer RANG!!! i was like 'what the hell?!' only to realise that my hairdryer is a phone too!!! and what's more, it is a internet phone!!! i, err, answered my call, and it was (guess who) BERNICE??!! my reaction was 'HUH?' what the hell is going on??? nevermind, i did manage to talk to her... about what, i cant recall...
but still, hairdryer that rings???
i cant have weirder dreams huh?

2 papers down... 4 more to go... what a long long long way to go....

this is what i had on May 13...




what i am feeling right now...
i dont know... i am kinda numb...
i am so overwhelmed about the amount of work that's needed to be done... and self doubt is slowly creeping in...
i am awfully messed up.

i have been studying for 15 years or so... isnt this supposed to be the LONG AWAITED period of time... the supposedly exhilarated feeling of going to graduate soon... of finishing the unconsulted choice of life...
so why is there is feeling of unease? of a hint of discomfort? a sense of reluctance?

mugging is doing weird things for me... i am officially reading TEXTBOOKS and ENJOYING them... i am reading, word for word, national geographic and wondering why i only looked at pictures in the past... i actually enjoy some friends' company more than i could imagine...

it is weird that though i havent got a job or even the time to settle down to write a decent cover letter or at least find out where i wanna apply for jobs... i know what i wanna do in the next 2 years...

so for now folks, i will be hiding at home or shaw plaza's mac, buried under a pile of books and papers...

/for some reasons, my heart takes a huge plunge whenever i eat at maxwell food court. i am officially boycotting it even though i love the desserts and yam puff there... oh no.../ =(