shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


never had i felt so sad, never had i cried so hard that i felt so sorry for myself and cried even harder....
it is like crying to the power of infinity......
i never cried this hard in front of my brother, so hard that he (lost at what to do) decided to get me out of the house. his excuse, dinner... but i was in no mood to be seen in puffy eyes, red swollen nose and i cried even harder at the thought of my pathetic state...
somehow, he managed to get me out of the house, still crying and sobbing and trying to whine, and walked to crystal jade toa payoh... i grabbed on his hand and continued sobbing, oblivious to the people who walked past us... at the restaurant, i managed to reduce to a state of silent sobbing. my kor and my parents (who followed anxiously behind) was ordering when i suddenly burst into tears again, shocking the waitress and the table behind us... dont know what happened after that, the food was tasteless and i was crying anyway.... left the restaurant crying on my mum's shoulder and held her hand on our way home, trying not to cry and listen to mummy's word.. reached home, cried and went to bed..
woke up this morning and erk! my eyes are so swollen that it hurts! went for a jog anyway and i realised, all the time that i thought i have grown up, i havent.... i am still that little crybaby of the family, constantly in need of mothering...
forget it... there are things in life i wish for or works towards for that are actually the things that i dont want to or need... i have to stop lying to myself...
i have thought that a 9-5 job is the kind of thing that i would like to do, but i cant imagine myself dolling up and putting on cheap smiles and do all that bitching in a box.
i wanted a fair complexion but i realised i am more comfortable with the sun...
i wish to spend more on tiny little cute things but i will torture myself thinking that i am not environmental friendly again....
i wish that i somehow drive or know how to drive but seriously thinks that a girl deserves to be driven (chauffeured) and feels that the public transport is good enough, value for money and environmentally more friendly.
i wish to see myself as a power packed lady, in suits and high heels but i see myself wearing khais shorts, tanned and exploring some unknown countries..
while i wish i am more outspoken in the relationship (any for that matter), i like to take a seat back and relax.
while i think that a muscular man scrubbing the floor at home is really appealing, i would like to be at home tending my garden, cleaning the house and enjoy a good book and a nice cup of tea.
i am full of irony, to some, i am weak, to some, i am stubbon, to some, i am all wrong and to some, i am all right...
just the hell, who am i?
a brillant way to start a week, i feel so helpless that i think the stronger me two days ago could have just reduced the present me into dust.
about time that i start being the little sister.

the weirdest thing i ever heard, 'are you from CHIJ?'
yup, i was minding my own business when this guy in my econometrics class turned around and asked me that question... i was like, 'huh?' then he replied simply, 'you look like one... one who can wear a pinaform.'
oh well... this is the THIRD time someone said that to me... i find it rather disturbing... not that i am not proud of being an ij girl, it is just that i find it hard to imagine myself being one... hmmmmmm, i am not loud (the kind that run around screaming) not the kind that hmmmm, gesture alot, giggle and giggle and super dramatic....
i dont know... i am not very outspoken... would prefer to sit in one corner and watch others talk... so i dont know which part of me looks ij-y. in fact, i do get people asking me, 'are you from china?' so how ij-y can i be? hmmmmmm, disturbing...
and that guy is from barker road, gosh.. oh, i also discovered that i really dont many people in ij, sigh..

a day at pulau ubin
we managed to cycle 80% of the island, talked to the locals (asked the guy who sold us drinks about the german girl shrine and got a very interesting story from him), pushed our bikes under a fallen tree, nearly got my bike stuck in a puddle of mud, saw wild chickens and of course, sunburnt!
here are the photos, many thx to yi for gamely posing in my otherwise just-scenery photos

i just thought this place looks great, make me feel like a tourist

very amazed by the thought of living here..

and rearing so many bunnies!

the beach, peacefully, windy, we love it

i thought of asking my mummy what're the chinese words... yi gamely posed for me, how cute!

yup, the 'sing to the dawn' bridge =) look! we were dangling our feets!




ubin quarry

oh my gosh, u cant believe this!!! we laughed our heads off... hey but we did buy a drink from the nice uncle... =)

spooky... but we checked it out...

didnt see anything but this.. lovely scenery.

almost home..