shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


i really dont know what to feel...
he has been accepted into imperial and he IS going to imperial.
am i happy? yes
am i sad? yes
i am confused...
long distance relationships never last, have they?

i have to blog this!
i was reading my newspaper when i spotted a picture looking like Miss Janet Lim...
WAhaaaa... it turned out to be true... she is Mrs Janet Liew... =) and her daughters are so much older than the ones i have in my memory...
in case you wanna see too, it is under invest section, My Space...
=) so happy so happy so happy...
actually, the only things that relate back to IJ's sec 3 and 4 are probably, my clique, mrs janet lim and miss brendan wan (i saw her at st michael's on good friday with her sis and children..) =)
oh, and where rosemarie stayed, it has been rumoured that they are going to be embloc soon... offer price 0.9million... soon, my neighbourhood is going to change... do i like it? nah, do i have choice, nah...it is just that... all these are part of me and i find it so hard to let go... one day, i will take my camera and snap everything down... =(
can we all not enbloc???


poor buddy, on the shelf..


buddy going crazy!!!

'here dear, have a sweet!'
he smiled as i reached into my packet of gummi bears...
a few seconds later, his face turned blue!!!
WAHHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHA!
dear, the sweet i had given you was actually MEGA WARHEADS!!!
hahahhahhahahhahha...
heehee... i love to see that expression of yours.
you see, knowing that you are eating a SOUR sweet is totally different from eating a SOUR sweet without knowing... heehee!

general election... dammit i cant vote... the feeling of not being 21 even though you are kinda 21 already sux. hahaha... not that i can vote even i am 21... my area is a walkover...
that aside... i really think that Thaksin, former prime minster of Thailand is really good at his job... thai's ecomony has really grew under his rule. sadly people began to be jealous of him.. the news even reported one saying that, in thai no one likes it if you get to powerful. is that a good enough reason to ouster him??? sigh.
i hope that same fate would not come upon singapore... i think that the ruling government has done a pretty good job... just that we are brought up being so whinny and needy... what else can i say? five years is not a short period of time.... we cant afford to let 'them' TRY... at our cost...


my black forest ice cream =) yes, i am going to finish it all by myself!!!


i found you a twin! =) though the one with the ribbon is cuter and more handsome... i still like the fatter one! =)


jumping dophins!!! =)


sunflower!!!

see that smiley face...
dont you just wanna smile when you see it?
=)


me and my beloved bear!!! *screams*

we had bak kuat teh and some very shocking and depressing news...
our neighbour (stall owner) served us with fantastic food and gossips.
apparently, the apartments at Jln Rama Rama has alreadly been enbloc. each household recevied a freaking 0.9million... okay, their land area is a bit more than ours but they have 50% more households than us... and yet, they are getting 0.9million!!! NOT FAIR!
=( and some people here are so prickly over prices.. okay, i understand that these people are not staying here, they are merely renting the house out as a form of investment but SO?? you cant expect 1.5million and above right? this is not district 9 or 10... not even 11? maybe we are close to 11 but so? =( really cant stand them...
and now, my mum is trying to pull our resources together to buy a new apartment... what for? it is like another freaking million... and i dont want to take risk... i would rather wait for enbloc, get that money put in a bit more and upgrade to district 9 or 11... or maybe get another old private walkup apartment. i dont wanna stay behind tan tock seng and certainly not in some condo with a pool!!! =(
no wonder you are making such a big fuss over my aussie trip... no wonder... i felt so cheated...

forget all those posts about depression and tears...
i am pulling out of it, very determined to carry on... =)
a trip down to ikea and i had meatballs for the FIRST time... okay, i've been told that the balls were fantastic but... hmmmm... i think the sauce was way better than the balls... hmmmmmmmmm... i wanna redecorate my room AGAIN... this time, everything in white... =) i want a girlie girlie bedroom with loads of soft toys and stuff... =) that's just thinking impractically... truth is, i just hate my study desk, wanna change it but then i thought... in one or two years time... i probably dont need a huge one... hmmmmmmm..

*screams* buddy loves me!!!

yes, life sux a big time...
who am i complaining too? i dont know...
i still excerise(mandy, =>), i still breathe, i still meet up with friends
but i am still feeling LOW, very LOW...
what's happening, i dont know!
i woke up with this today
whatever that happen i will let it happen
if i must cry i must cry
but i wont wait there while i cry, i will continue with my life
i hate to study, but i will, slowly and painful...
i know there are so many problems around but i will attend to them when exams are over...
i shall not live up to anyone's dictate... ignore all critics and be myself...
amid the chaos in my brain, i am beginning to see things that i have been blind to. weiRd.
i am going to his house to study now... hopefully, buddy will lick all my worries away...

i am going to stop pretending that everything is alright and i am feeling okay...
i am going to stop myself from denying i need help.

i am depressed, i cant function without tears...
crying is what i do every night
i pick up fights, i find faults, i become selfish

this is it
i lost i gave way to depression.
thank you for coming out of your house just to get me a tub of ice cream... i appreciate it from the bottom of my heart...
if i have offended anyone, ignored anyone... i sincerely apologise...
i cant stop fighting the monsters in my head, i cant stop crying within...
stress consumes me all.

was happily tagging along to support our soccer team which was playing against srjc at vjc when it rained heavily.... half of me was drenched! and the match was postponed!!! sigh... all the way to east coast for nothing! =( but it was great, to feel young all over again, looking at silly boys chasing balls and girls in their uniforms trying to impress... =) i miss the uniforms day... sigh....
how does it feel to move out of a place where you were there since you were born? how does it feel to make a trip back to say a final FINAL goodbye...? i saw those empty apartments and tears form in my eyes... gone were the people gone were the laughters gone were the happy chattings and small talks.... people leaving starting a new life you probably never see each other again, probably never ever. i am sad when i see a closure to anything...
it is 21 of april today and AND my accounting paper is on the 9th! i deleted my starcraft, hid my diablo disc and yup... all my CDs too... and i realised that Backstreet Boys are really the best boybands EVER! =)

so take care folks, i am still single and available... you can still ask me out, i just dont wanna stare at the com while my books are staring at me... =) love ya, and God bless!
p/s: april is ending soon and look at my needs list, none of them is being striked off or even close to striking off... sigh... my poor shopping life....

i looked composed i looked normal
but i aint.
i am tired cos i didnt sleep last night
i am tired cos i helped to move house for the entire day (it's more work than you think it really is)
i am tired cos of many tiresome issues
i am spent. emotionally, physically.
i need a space to hide... to hide from reality, to hide from truth...
someone please help me! help me face my demon and kill it.

nothing beats to have your beloved dog running up to you, jumping up and down and turning in circles. bending down to carry him only to have him lick you all over your face, his own way of sweet and wet kisses. i had my face cleaned by buddy today. cant help it, and it is so wonderful that even i dont own him technically, he would follow me around the house, run to me when there's something frightening him... he even choose to sleep beside me!!! unconditional love...

somehow Rich Dad Poor Dad is being stuffed down my throat and i am choking on it.
Being rich and bent on being rich, that whole idea escapes me... i do not see the idea of being rich.
i do not want to be rich... rich as in with loads of cash to retire young and comfortably able to jet around first class or private planes able to shop till drop everyday... no i do not want that!
i want to do things in my life. i want to love and be loved. i want to travel around the world... to step foot onto every country that exists. i want to teach little kiddies... i want to run after them and play with them... i want to do loads of charities... one of them being the biggest and the hardest is bringing education to the women in africa... i want to live a life a fulfilling one.
yes, you will argue all these need money. i just need to survive... nothing more... i would rather give my time and love to people around me than just dishing out cash. i do not want to read some book to tell me how to make more money! i just want God to be there in everything i do.
Rich Dad Poor Dad is just not my kind of book.

easter eggs easter eggs
i got everyone in school an egg... kinder surprise!!!
=) of course i got one for myself too! it is chocolates after all!
i think i havent been good this lent but God has been kind to me..
Thank You..

HAPPY EASTER! =)


heehee, my toys and my almost finished egg while studying my notes and surfing the net!!! MULTI TASKING!!!


my secret toy with my accounting notes as background....


my easter egg!!!

papa got me a knee length skirt from hong kong 4years back.
it is of dark demin and with a little flare at the bottom... what i liked most is the lace trimmings at the bottom.
anyway, i didnt like it back then, i thought it was a bit too mature for me... wasnt my style. wore it yesterday and my opinion changed. I LOVE IT... okay, i will start digging into my cupboard more often!
i have 4 ugly pimples again. why? cos i finished a packet of chocolates! one more packet to go... =) i realised that pimples related to chocolate is okay... pimples related to other problems, super unhappy!

so it is always raining in the afternoon... dark clouds strong wind a little bit of thunder, PERFECT... perfect to stand next to my window and daydream, perfect to snack (my hawflakes!), was having buffet at dinning@sake yesterday and i had to run out of the restaurant to go pee... then i realised it is pouring outside... so nice to walk back into the restaurant for more sushi and hot tea! =)

M.Harris thinks that singaporeans are being educated in such a way that we believe that teachers are always right... and we do not have the courage to question them or the things we are taught... D.J. Reyniers once set a question wrongly, P=40+0.004q, etc... Everyone assumed that it was right and solved the question. Later in her examiner's report, she wrote that students were supposed to realise that it was wrong and correct it... so she gave those who attempted the questions ZERO. so M.harris told us to correct her questions if we find anything weird... the problem is, i dont think i will have the cheek to do so, UNLESS it is super obvious... chances are 99% of the time, i dont even know what am i doing!

and THEN... during break, M.Harris once again asked me about my christian name cos he was puzzled by the signature i put in my outgoing mail... i still dont wanna tell him cos for the fun of it... and so he persisted... then i tried to tell him the reason why i dont use it, 'no point telling you my christian name cos even if you call me xavia, i wont even know you are calling me...' then he grinned and said, 'so you are called xavia!' -_- okay, it slipped out of my mouth without me noticing... sigh... and he HAD to call me that during class THREE times!!! sigh... oh but at least i know someone wants to go to mongolia! =) there you go i am not the only crazy one.. =)


the number of books i got within a month, the top 4 are the ones i got this afternoon!


Haw flakes... my lastest favourite snacks!


see how heavy the rain is...


it is going to rain soon....


this is what i look at every afternoon to distress...

the general response i get when i invite someone to join me and ben out for dinner/movie is... 'i dont wanna be a lightbulb.'
what a thing to say.
you know ben, you know me, so what's wrong with hanging out together? not like we will mushy mashy around you or something... not that we have nothing in common to talk about... come on, we've been classmates! what's there to be shy about?
i remembered the times when SOMEONE pointedly told SOMEONE close to us not to go out with us by saying, 'HEY, why do you always wanna be their lightbulb?' and this person actually convince most of the people in class to shy away from us! URGH! is it because you get into a relationship, you need to cut ties with the rest of the world and just worship each other?
i am so irritated! URGH! i felt so angry watching RENT when friends supported one another, couples or personally... and it is fantastic to have a group of friends like that... seriously...
by the way, RENT is FABULOUS! WOW! Mimi is HOT, HOT, HOT! =)


this is the mess that i see everyday!!! sigh... 


hahah, isnt it yucky?