shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


i wish you could at least quarrel with me... i wish you could at least say you disagree and fight with me...
i so badly needed a fight to let go of everything inside me... and yet... you didnt, why oh why?
why am i still finding excuses not to study...?
why am i still brooding over something i have no control of?
i have plenty of questions these days and i cant find answers to them all... well,

i noted something this morning...
i havent been shopping for... for... for... 11days... i havent stepped into a mall with an intention to splurge at all...amazing! my last splurge was this cute little giraffe ring and when i accidently brushed it against shouie's hand, i said, 'opps, my giraffe BIT you!' =)
one more month to cover everything i need to study in a year... i guess shopping has to wait...

someone made a very special call to me last night and made all my stress disappeared! =)
i miss you so much! and fear not, i will see you in june =)!
even though iam dragging my feet through my days lately... every tiny little thing upsets me... but somehow, SOMEHOW, i managed to pull through with a smile...
if i had said God has abandoned me, i take them back...
going to catch ice age2 later!!! wish i could catch it with mandy and rose... still remember how we got out of the lido cinema excitedly discussing about sid and scrat! =)
and RENT will be out tomorrow! =)

i made a posy, while the day ran by:
Here will i smell my remnant out, and tie
My life within this band.
But time did beckon to the flowers, and they
By noon most cunningy did steal away,
And withered in my hand.

My hand was next to them, and then my heart:
I took, without more thinking, in good part
Time's gentle admonition:
Who did so sweetly death's sad taste convey.
Making my mind to smell my fatal day:
Yet sugring the suspicion.

Farewell dear flowers, sweetly your time ye spent
fit, whie ye lived, for smell or ornament,
And after death for cures.
I follow straight without complaints or grief.
Since if my scent be good. I care not if
It be as short as yours.

i really need to go and change my keyboard... they are irritating the hell outta me!!! sigh...
why cant things be the way i want it to be?
oh, i just found a perfect way to have tea/coffee! hahahaha, i am not telling cos i have this selfish thingy that i just want that cafe to be MINE... hahhahah, i bet you have something that you wont wanna tell-tell too right???

like a tiny little boat floating in the sea...
constantly at the sea's mercy...
isnt that my life?

everytime when i am going through a phrase of difficulties, i tend to plan what to do after i am done with it... i plan for holidays i plan my goals i plan for food.. is this the way i deal with adversities in life?

in the midst of chaos, disappointments, pains and anxieties,
i sat on my easy chair at the balcony, with a cold tea in one hand and a book in the other, i let the world whizz pass me in silence...
how to face the reality alone, to withstand those discouraging words with my head held high.
how hard it is to ignore them, and let myself a shot at it... proving that, miracles can and do happen.
in weeks to come i can only only live in what some people would describe as 'life'
i pray that Lord would grant me the strength, the willpower, the courage for each day...

somehow the
'i will not on my com'
'i will reduce my social activities'
'i will wake up and sleep earlier'
'i will have a balance diet'
'i will study more'
doesnt work? but i have to agree... it is much better than, 'i will try's....

somehow i always think that something would change for the better but i guess i was wrong. maybe it is destined that things like that will always happen... childish it maybe, but i really really cant change a thing... sigh.
perhaps i am tired... tired emotionally and physically... i need to tell myself to stop running away from these monsters in my life. kill them or let them kill me... whichever, for i no longer care for my being... death is delicious, so is pain.
whoever that has invented face masks, THANK YOU!
and bless you mandy, for introducing me to it...
pure bliss by putting on a cold mask, bringing my soul to a field of roses...
i need a break, i need to concentrate on what i should do or what i wanna do... i dont know...

you know i forgive but i cant never forget...

i always wanna save money but i realised that i cant save money because i lack of self discipline...
i have very little self control
and after treating ping to a pedi (and of course getting one myself too) and vowing to treat her to another dinner, i told myself to stop spending this wk! but look what, i got myself 3 facial masks from the face shop. (mandy, i got a lemon one!) and then, i splurge on books... hahah, i finally own a copy of Under the Tuscan Sun.
=)

my fridge is filled with yakult, an attempt to kill all the bad bacteria inside my stomach... hopefully, it works.. and i shall make it a point to eat a cup of yogurt everyday. HAH!

and i have to say this,
WHY AM I SEEING NAKED BODIES IN EVERY SINGLE MOVIE I WATCH LATELY???
psssst, kate beckinsale has a really really hot hot figure... -drools-

and i had spotted a leather coat that cost only $69... hahaha... very tempted to buy it so i can bring over to aussie come june... =) and i got to go to casino in sdyney... mandy, you got to bring me there!!!

one more bad news before i end, my first paper starts in mid may and it is ACCOUNTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wah!

my stomach is on strike...!
i am hungry and hungry
but i cant eat.....
went to crystal jade to eat porridge and i cant even finish half of it! and i didnt even finish my favourite FAVOURITE mango pudding!!! i am so sad now, going to see doctor tmr liao...
=(
why am i watching movies with naked women or men here and there huh?

saw a cockroach lying on his (someone assumed it to be a HE) back near my jigsaw. i took my pesticide and spray at him... he flipped over and ran towards me. i yulped and jumped onto my chair, aiming the baygon nozzle at him all this time...
dont know how, he skidded and landed on his back again...
while he was struggling with the air, i called my mum, then my dad, then my kor, then someone, then my mum, then my dad and then my kor and then finally FINALLY, SOMEONE answered...! and the first thing he did was, 'huh?' needless to say, i was more than hysterical.... actually, i wasnt that scared of him cos i figured that he no longer has the ability to fly but the fact that i called and called and nobody picked up??? anyway, by then, the cockroach drowned in the pool of pesticide... still, i had him come all the way to get rid of the body... yuck!

the first thing i am going to learn when i move out... is how to get rid of cockroaches!!!!
and speaking of which,
i think the chances of emblocking is really really going to come true soon... and we just did our first house shopping! city square has really nice layout.... i particularly like the 4room type... but still i wish my mum could get a semi-d or a run down walkup apartment.... less crowded and quiet... living in a condo these days is like living in HDB.... still, i hope HOPE, we can have a bit of leftover so i can get a car!!!! hahahahahahha... yeah, my mum would probably say 'fat hope' heehee... wish house shopping is as easy as clothes shopping though, and as frequent!!!

finally, to end this...
ever wonder
you are related to what someone is talking about and he doesnt know about it?

i VOMITED four times in a row last night and i was almost convinced that i am going to die soon.
went to thomson medical center at 12am and the doctor gave me an injection... but the needle broke and i got to take another one! argh, not that i am afraid of needles or what, i just dont like the thought of getting two... anyway, i had what he said, stomach flu... still dont know what that means but never mind.
i threw out my dinner last night... and i only ate 4 oreos today... great huh?
and to top that,
my hong konkie sandals snapped on saturday, minutes after walking away from grace and marie to meet ben. dragged my feet around marina square and suntec city and i couldnt find a pair of shoes that i like... weird.
and to top both of that,
my kor got a DKNY shirt just to attend his friend's wedding!
just my weekend huh?