shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


looking back at the things i have done in 2005
i cant help but to laugh at myself the silly things i have done
i cant help but to grimace at some of things i have shameless done and said
i cant help but to regret that i havent done enough of this and that
i cant help but to feel sad for things i have destroyed with my bare hands.
things i remembered most out of 2005-
the training of the half marathon *mentally, physically stronger*
the small sentosa vacation *horse riding!!! canoeing!!! burned while playing wondergolf*
the hong kong trip =) *business class upgrade surprise! typoon scare! ppsssst talk to marie becos i cant sleep*
working at meritus mandarin *milo in the morning, tea in the afternoon, gossiping with becky and chatting with raymond, furious printing of corporate letter, going all the way up to the seventh storey toilet*
the makeover of my room *my loftbed, new coat paint, personal com*
my baptism *finally! =)*
making a decision to include novena as part of my life *in many ways, improved my/our lives, thanx fel*
etc, etc, etc..
i reaised that though, i felt at some point of time, life is a LONG journey, i am pretty happy and contented.
as year 2006 begins (soon) i find myself saying many familiar stuff, stuff that i have said last year, around the same time. until i find strength and momentum in myself, i can only see myself sinking and sinking into dark waters.
so, no new year agenda (maybe just a few outline to set me in course) and wishing you all the best for 2006. -hugz-

i got loads to complain yet i felt no reasons to.
days seem to zap pass me and i have hardly done anything solid.
the goals that i have set to achieve during this hlidays are not yet fulfilled. well, not even started on in the first place.
as school is reopening soon i am suddenly been plagued with all those homeworks and exams and stuff. i foresee the same stress is going to build up again unless i do something about it.
well, that can always be tomorrow's worries =)
went cycling with huiwen today and i was recounting my tennis experience and it suddenly occured to me that she learnt to play tennis before. haha, i gamely suggested of getting a karpok tennis racquet to play with her and tah-dah the idea was stuck. =) so, i will be buying one with my next month pocket money... sheesh. the ony concern i have is uneven arms. still remember yee sin and analysing her left-arm-bigger-than-right-arm and how i secretly told myself to stay away from tennis. but i guess, i can do social tennis and put all that pushups into good use. =)
i still like swimming, cycling and badminton =) and of course, jogging.
here it goes,
i like doing jigsaw puzzle
i like eating pringles
i like procasinating
i like shoes in gold colour(got one already!)
i like MINI skirts
i will never dream of wearing mini skirts
i hate to argue and quarrel
i love you and no matter what i will still love you
i had a blessed and wonderful christmas, even the worst disaster turned out to be a blessing. Thank You Lord.

just a few more days to christmas and i am feeling hmmmm.... excited....
went out with my family on monday and we watched KING KONG. i watched it twice and i made a conclusion, orchard cinelesiure is becoming a bit too rowdy for my taste. i like the seats especially the old theatres but i dont like the crowds... immature brats make my life a teeny weeny miserable. hah.
but it is amazing to be out with my brother and parents. saw this demin dress and i had to get it.. waiting for the small size to arrive today, the medium fits perfectly on the shoulder but too roommy from the waist down onwards. but then it is short. so, i dont know how much shorter will the small size be. but someone just dont like me wearing short skirts or dresses.. i dont understand.. i am not wearing that SHORT skirts and as long as i am not behaving too slutty or easily available, then it shouldnt matter so much. dont understand still
anyway, last night
zebin said: i saw changyi today
me: what? you know her?
zebin: saw her today and you all baking tomorrow right?
me: but how you know who changyi is?
zebin: yvonne is there too! ... you all baking ah?
me: *still shocked* yah...
it is amazing how small the world is but i still cant imagine zebin knowing changyi... cant imagine.. and i am going to scream at her later =) dont know what to bake now since mandy is baking brownies.
... crap
this christmas will be my first christmas as a baptised christian. really happy. it might be the last christmas i have with someone so it makes this christmas even more special. the buildup to christmas has been really meaningful, i didnt focus that much on santus claus, shopping and spending money. instead, i spent quality time with friends and family. but i wish, i have spent mroe time with mandy and met up with cheehwee though.
merry merry christmas. i love you all.

stayed at home the whole day today, no kidding!
i ignored the temptation to meet mandy, ignored the temptation to go swimming in the beautiful sun.
yes, i rot at home... totally.
made and wrote almost all the christmas card... they were quite simple and slip-short but nonetheless with all my effort! haha...
and i played starcraft too... and i won a campaign with the help of my kor...
someone got into imperial college and i am so happy for you. =)

everytime i go to prata house i never eat prata... or ordering prata is not the first thing on my mind... and i am sick of the fried rice. shit..... running out of ideas to eat already...
i think i am pretty gross out with what fel and bern said about the kitchen, when the roaches bred.
i also found out that i dont buy books that i have never read before. which means i dun buy too many books... bern got two books that i am interested in... hopefully, i will remember to borrow it from her.

why everytime i am free yet i am not. i havent been staying at home the entire day stoning. i think after christmas, i will shut myself out. haiz...

oh no, i havent been doing ANYTHING.
i am getting fat
first three days after that run, i kept getting advice to rest rest and rest.
then next 4 days i kept wanting to go and jog but yet, i somehow didnt.
and because i knew or thought that i would jog the next day, i always eat extra oily food.
so i am getting fat. not that being fat bothers me that much, it is the fact that i am really unhealthy these days... sigh...
i am cooking tomorrow for my kor... his birthday and once again, i am honoured to cook for him...
planned dishes include
fried noodles
oven baked chicken drumsticks
his favourite boiled chai sin
potato and carrot soup
kunnyaku jellies again
chocolate cake from emi
er... still trying to grow my list =)
dammit, he celebrates his birthday TWICE.

i have been pondering about the things i heard on saturday...
why didnt the both of you ever think of seeing others?
i dont know... i never actually thought about it seriously.
i think
that i dont have to date around to find a perfect mate
because there isnt someone in this world that is perfect.
i believe
that the only thing that makes one's relationship work is to accept each other's flaws and grow.
i believe
the relationship will only work IF both parties CHOOSE to love each other.
i dont wake up everyday, loving my boyfriend
we quarrelled everyday
we fought over every and any thing
i have a crush on this guy for SO long, (and i finally told him... the truth)
but i still love him... i dont know how to describe this feeling

but, please
DO NOT assume that me and ben would get married. PLEASE
the road to wedding bliss is still far beyond
even till the day at ROM, decisions can still be changed.
=)
so, until then, we are still a struggling, happy, unhappy, kicking each other ass' couple.

haha, i stold that photo from shouie....
it was a wonderful day cos it started out with mandy
(yes, she has grown more and more pretty each time i see her)
and changyi and prata too.
then i had to clean my rooms cos i been seeing some little crawlies here and there.
then i had to meet huiwen and shouie to buy prezzies
and we went off t ben thong's party
haha
huiwen drove me in her new and cool car...
okay, i have to confess that i love being driven... i love sitting beside the driver doing idle chatting while she drove on. but i hope no one would drive me around for the next two years. if not i would be too pampered.
haha
saw ann and my goodness, so pretty, (SIA stewardess what)
and i really like it when she told me about cape of good hope.. well, i think she travelled to almost everywhere already
asked her where she got her necklace, taiwan. earrings? taiwan.
i bet her top probably from america, bottom from europe, shoes from God knows elsewhere... pieces from all over the world...


=) 

interesting blunder:
grace: okay, i am in taka, where to meet?
me: i am at the basement, see you outside konnyaku entrance, oh no, no, no, kinokuniya entrance.
grace: hahahahahahah...
i must be tooo obsessed with my jellies.

when i took so long to get over you, why must you reappear before me? i am lost once again.

a fantastic day was spent in town, 30% of the time alone.
i went through tangs, wisma, lido and taka. i know exactly what each store is selling. basically i memorised everything. i was walking so much and too fast that i felt blisters growing out of my feet! getting all worked up, i stepped into the body shop to check if they have any foot lotion.. der, they have but i have never seen them before. anyway, the salesgirl was SO friendy that i felt bad and had to buy something. sigh, i walked out of the shop feeling real guilty though.
here's something
lesson 1: shopping list is ever changing... take a peep at my planner and you will find loads of last minute cancellations. (and yes, i brought along my planner too)
lesson 2: you will discover how much you know the person when you try to buy stuff for her.
lesson 3: if your feet is already sore, leave it.. get it done when you hit home.
=)
well, then again, why why why, do peope come up to me and try and sell me credit cards and insurance? why why why? i am in my tank top and levis pants. i have the look of unemployed and broke all over me. i hide all my shopping stuffs in my roomy sporty bag. i dont have makeup put on and no bling and accesories... dont count earrings. so why? i was approached thrice!!! THRICE! so irritating. oh yes, and charity donations too!
LOOK PEOPLE, i did my fair share of donations each year. i am a strong believer in actions rather than money. stop disrupting my chains of thoughts and peace at heart by chasing me around. i am in town to shop not to donate. i am in town to relax not to be harrassed. when i ignore you, get the message and pissed off. alright?

went out with mummy last morning and i had a great time with her... and i noticed certain changes in her and me, and us... tis great to notice that because we went through so much together... SO MUCH. and now, while she is aging beautifully and quietly, i am slowly evolving into a woman. i used to clasp my left hand around her right one and walked slightly behind her. her big butt (opps) used to protect me from everything and anything. today, i put my arms around her shoulders, as if to protect her from everything and anything. before i try out in this cruel working world, Dear Lord, allow me to spend more precious moments with my mummy. please.

and i scooted off to meet marie and grace after that, in truth, with much reluctance cos i was so happy and contended with mummy. but then, =) the more i hang out with those two, the more i like them. and grace, haha, i love her critics.. they never meant to be mean ( the kind that tries to embrass you ) but sincere and touching. yet, i dun bother, hah. i know she aways find fault with my nail colours and now, i find them so interesting that i hate to remove them. heehee...

and i had a chickie last night.. one whole chickie to myself, no kidding! and i think the people in the queue were thinking if me and marie were okay... we had so much fun with chickies and butts! special thanks to her being ever so kind to photos for me... the chickies!


loads of tasty yummy chickies 


look at those fat butts 

2 months of training all ended just like that, JUST like that.
we finished 2hrs and 22mins and dont know how many seconds... it was a fantastic run...
woke up at 430am... bathed, pee, water paraded myself, changed and reached the destination at 6am... the marathon has just been flagged off and we were stretching at the side... minutes before flag off, i was feeling really nervous... how's it really like to run a gruelling 21.1km? and everywhere i looked, i seemed to see really fit people. anyway, we were flagged off at last and barely 5mins into the race, the elite runners were coming back, completing 13km already!!! MY GOD, that was FREAKING FAST! anyway, we ran on and on and on... the weather was great, and the pace was good. i started feeling tired when i reached 13km... when the sun was up and hot, when i was feeling dehydrated and muscle cramping. i pushed on and kept motivating myself... every corner seemed so deciving...
towards the end, at 18km point, i heard a voice in my head that screams 'WALK' but i didnt, i knew i was just tired mentally... i pushed on. guess what, i sprinted the last 100m of the race. as in really sprinted....

i guess my training paid off
i know, 'dont worry dear, i wanna run with you' seem a little too plain and simple but when you were tired, emotionally and physically drained... when your boyfriend seemed to be floating instead of running, when you were breathing so hardly and he seemed to be not even breathing... when you knew deep down in you, he could really run ahead, well ahead in front of you, yet, he stuck to your side, motivating you. what more could be touching?

all i am going to say is, i am satisfied and happy.
pssssssssst. i am having second thoughts about marathons already... it is so TOUGH...

my legs are aching, my heart is singing.


after our race 

i am feeling really excited and i doubt i would be able to sleep now...
tomorrow is THE day...
wah....
and all of a sudden i am asking myself all these questions
did i train enough?
will i be able to last through the entire run?

anyway,
i hope i can clock under 2hrs which is quite a feat for a beginner like me...
but the thing is this run is to strengthen my relationship with him, myself and God.
i am here, Lord.


my running top