shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


been wondering what's wrong with my stomach since it has shown no response to all the medicine i took. i am still invaded by a more than occasional short spasm of pain. could feel my stomach walls coming together twisting into a tight knot. could feel myself gasping for more air as i doubled over.
and my ulcer on my tongue is not helping.

besides that...
i am thinking what to do after that half marathon.
that has been my motivation for this past 2 months and i need new challenges.
i was thinking to do a trithalon but i doubt it is possible at this stage so
i guess
my next target is to be able to swim 1.5km in freestyle within 30 minutes.
i have loads to do after exams...

recently, i started weeding out my wardrode...
found a few pieces of rubbish to discard
those that you think you need
those that you think you might still wanna wear it
finally
i convinced myself that
i am just lying to myself
FINALLY
i threw them out and cleared the mess.

half marathon is just 6 days away
it's sending a kind of thrill in me...
i dont know what to expect but i would probably be sad once this is over.

the thought of not being able to train due to bad weather kept bugging me until i finally gave in.
it was drizzling outside
i put on my running attire and a cap
and went out jogging...
the stadium was almost empty except for 3 or 4 hardcore runners like me...
it is 'shiok' to be running in the rain... it is even more 'shiok' to be the only one wearing a cap to run...
...
was rotting at home in the afternoon when i chanced upon Tuesdays with Morrie. i remembered promising someone to read it and i cant remember what happened next. found it today while i was browsing through my book shelf. here is something i wanna share...

... "Well, I feel sorry for your generation," Morrie said. "In this culture, it's so important to find a loving relationship with someone because so much of the culture does not give you that. But the poor kids today, either they're too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship, or they rush into marriage and then six months later, they get divorced. They dont know what they want in a partner. They dont know who they are themselves-so how can they know who they're marrying?"
He sighed. Morrie had counseled so many unhappy lovers in his years as a professor. "It's sad, because a loved one is so important. You realized that, especially when you're in a time like I am, when you're not doing so well. Friends are great, but friends are not going to be here on a night when you're coughing and cant sleep and someone has to sit up all night with you, comfort you, try to be helpful.
... "I've learned this much about marriage," he said now. "You get tested. You find out who you are, who the other person is, and how you accommodate or don't."
Is there some kind of rule to know if a marriage is going to work?
Morrie smiled. "Things are not that simple, Mitch."
I know.
"Still," he said, "there are a few rules I know to be true about love and marriage: If you dont respect the other person, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Of you dont know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you cant talk openly about what goes on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you dont have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike.
"And the biggest one of those values, Mitch?"
Yes?
"Your belief in the importance of your marriage."
...."Love each other or perish."

everything evolves around love.

i am being so weighed down by the books and papers and files and notes that i hate the sight of my table. nevertheless, this is also my 'home'.
while someone is on government-paid-overnight-excursion, i will have to catch up on both my trainings and school work. injured my shin last week and thus unable to train for a number of days. still cant feel that it has completely healed but i cant wait longer.
is it me or is the temperature here gone down hill? i have to tuck under my blanket during my afternoon nap.

was nibbing on some cheese cake when i heard that familiar giggle on my right. curious, i looked over and found a group of old (not that old) ladies giggling... erm...IMAGINE... a bunch of women, dressed in country road style of clothings... giggling... one of them even brought her toddler along! of course, the constant teasing of the little boy and the passing around and phototakings... just reminded me of me and ijs... was really tempted to ask if they were from ij too. then again, i cant imagine i am going to be one of them in the years to come... hopefully the baby boy belongs to mandy or bern, or even peijun... =)

i dont know what to say
i bear all consequences and remarks and whatever

i am not in a really good mood so i have to vent this out. this is my blog so i can say anything i want.

i feel that a person needs to have his/her own principles, his/her own set of moral values and belief. in times of crisis, these are the things one would fall back to make a decision or judgement.
crap
i felt my world shaking apart today. it was a conflict in the heart. i HAD to choose. and trust me, you wouldnt want to be in my position. i had to choose between following my heart and listening to my brains. i realised that i kept asking myself, WHAT DO I REALLY REALLY WANT?

you see, i am not that complicated. i want to graduate and get a job. i want to move out of my house and live on my own. i want to travel all over the world. i want to wake up each day looking forward to something in life.

once i was told, 'if you get a banking and finance degree, and you happen to get a job as bank teller, how?' (by the way, bank teller can be anyone with an o level cert) at first, i was really worried by that comment. i thought, shit, all that degree and stuff and finally working as a bank teller??? no way! now, i realised, after working in meritus mandarin, no, i dont give a damn. so what if that job is a low position low paying one. at least i am self supporting at least i am happy. my working hours will be shorter and expectations lower. i have more time to enjoy things beyond the work scope and i dont slog for any company. screw the prada bag and the furla wallets, they mean nothing if i am not even happy at all.

so what if the whole world is against me moving out of my house. it is something i WANT. i want to throw a party as and when i like. i want to walk around the house in bras and panties if i like. i want to redesign my rooms the way i want it to be. i want to come home as and when i like. i like to answer to myself alone.

so there you go... life is pretty much about the way you want it to be. no one can judge you unless you let them. if you believe in it, go for it. if you have to bend into others' views and opinion then i guess you are not living your life to the fullest.

got to keep telling myself
who am i to judge them
who are they to judge me

i realise that it is nice to have some goals once in a while. it makes life more interesting and exciting.
i am still pretty much into my training although i still find it hard to keep a gd diet. have a craving for ruffles chips lately... two days ago i was feeling really edgy (must be that stupid accounting lesson and the crude reminder of having 10 balance sheet to balance) and i desperately needed some chips. then it was raining outside so i kinda didnt want to get out of the house. asked kor to get for me, and of all people he CHOSE to mind my diet then and there! so i shouted, threatened and finally WHINED my way through... he got me pringles and all was good again. then the next morning, i saw pimples! =) hahaha... couldnt believe it, that fast! but i liked my pimples. i knew it was crazy but it was funny the way it appeared. =)
and for the past few days i had an ice cream daily. i am so screwed in terms of food. why am i such a junkie?
anyway, realise that i havent been talking about shopping? cos all that money are gone into a good cause. i am finally saving. and i am not regretting a single bit. life can be so much more fun without shopping.
err, okay, dont make me eat my own words some time down the road...

i saw a girl who looked exactly like peijun! oh my god. and i think she is studying in stansfield. another eye candy to watch out for...
i just finished The Chronicles of Narnia and i must say it is not a really good book, at least for my taste.
magic, what's magic? everyone writes about magic. i prefer it to be called The Will and The Word. i dont like books that focus on the work magic does, i like them to focus on how magic comes about, how magic becomes magic...

these days, i flip open the newspaper and tadaaa!
another terror related news...
it seems that we cant live without terror nowadays...
ever wonder when it will strike singapore?
ever wonder why these people are doing things like that?
and i think those people behind the burning suburbs are foolish
if you are displeased with the government or your current status or whatever, dont go burning your own hometown. you are just pulling yourselves down in the long run. i dont think things can be solved by rioting... i only see that education is the only way out.
sighz.

there is always a thrill of excitment when it comes to year end. this year especially, with the upcoming marathon, christmas celebration, tiny getaway, CNY preparation, the return of many good old friends...
i am feeling excited, who doesnt?

=)

i think
blogging is all about bragging
people showing off in a completely convenient place
well, you cant exactly call people around you and tell them about something that excites you or worries you or makes you happy or proud
instead, you blog
and they will indirectly
hear you brag or whine when they read your blog...
i think my theory is pretty sound... =)

so okay, so check this out...
he: 'dear, can you come down and meet me?'
she: 'err... hah? why?'
he: 'just come down...'
...
he: 'and remember to wear your shorts'
she: 'huh?'
minutes later, reaching the bottom of the staircase...
he: 'i ... got you a BIKE!'
she: 'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!'
too shocked to say anything!
she: 'WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!'

=)
=)
=)

my belated birthday present... what can i say???????

had a fantastic run on sunday, which send my adrenaline pumping through my body.
come monday, rest day, no jogging at all
come tuesday, too lazy to train
come wednesday morning, nearly died while training
was doing my usual circuit training when i suddenly felt my heart was pumping TOO hard. i could heard my breathing becoming unusually hard and loud. i was puffing so badly that i decided not to stress my heart out and stopped for the day.
i cant believe it... it is like a mount up to heart attack kind. it is not that i am not fit. i have been training... so why?
maybe i have been eating too much ice cream (hey the weather is freaking hot k?)
maybe i have been eating too much macdonalds.
maybe i should have gone for the light training yesterday to prep myself for the muscle aching circuit training today.
maybe it shouldnt have rained at 630am today so i have no choice but to run at 8am when the sun is already SO hot.
maybe i should really stick to a good diet. i had too much of kueh lapis lately.

oh well, you know so many people couldnt get to sign up for the marathon in time? i guess i am one of the few who happened to sign up last minute. and i just realised that it actually cost $55 per person. so freaking expensive. (which also tells you that i didnt pay or sign up myself) and then, i do realise that marathon is not just about running and enduring the distance. it is about how you train and how motivated you are. i guess, i really like to run. =)

oh by the way, i am only doing half marathon this year, next year will be a full marathon. actually half marathon is worse. your speed is expected to be faster. oh no. my legs are still not up to that standard yet!!!!!!!!

sometimes i wonder why should i even blog?
why must i keep updating others about what's going on in my life?
yet, i must say
it is interesting to read others' blogs...

since i dun really see a need to blog or share things in my life now, ciao.