shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


this is no good...
i am
angry
furious
mad
i am consumed
by the rage
inside me
burning
sizzling
better leave me alone
for i am
in no mood
to chill.

okay, good new for me... i am jobless now... nononono... to be more specific, jobless the coming monday... -grinz- aint that great?! anyway, nothing much to talk about since i am not doing much... thanx mandy though for calling me on monday night... you called my handphone and my incoming call time is at a record high of 6hrs and 8mins... and the best part is i have to pay for it... damn!
you know something... i want to watch the prince and me and by the time me and ben finally got time to watch it is not showing anymore... so sad... i realised something over the weekend. i always wait for ben to book out to watch movie but when he booked out, he would prefer sitting down somewhere and catching up with me... hmmm... but i want to watch movie... -whinning-
haha... guess what, me and shouie going to club tomorrow! heehee... and you know what? i am finally convinced i am allegic to alcohol. of all things in the world, alcohol! okay okay, wont complain that much since i am lucky not to be allegic to seafood which is even worst! sigh... hope i will be sober (told myself i aint touching a drink at all) enough to walk home -wink- ciao!

well, i am back from amara...
firstly, i would like to thank ping for inviting us to amara to chill out... rather as we have classified it as, bumming around. it has been such a while since we had some fun together... somehow, we didnt really get sick of one another even though we have been seeing one another for two consecutive nights... my arms and shoulders are still aching from the sport climbing... and i still havent recover from my sleeping disease... but all in all, it was a great time. was thinking everything would be better if fel and mandy and pei jun could join us... and rosemarie too... then again... they were constantly on our mind... so it wasnt that bad...
anyway, time to get back to reality and gather all my courage and quit that damn bloody sucky job of mine... ciao!

an hour later i will be going off to tanjong pagar to meet ping zhi and all... hope yvonne can come along too... been so busy with stuffs lately that i haven been catching up with friends that much...
to shouie,
i am sorry i missed your call on sunday... wanted to call you when i was free on monday but i kept forgetting... now, i think you are still asleep so i call you prob tonight or something... take care k? i hope it wasnt concerning a serious issue...
alright... i will be off for a short holiday! -grinz-

i am so tired nowadays...
went to ben's camp yesterday... and i swear the whole place looks like sentosa... lots of plants and flowers and they even have a fountain with lots of koi there... and they have three huge swimming pools and chalet like bunks. ben and his roommate shared this cosy little room with proper desk and wardrobe and bedside lamp and computer... you know what they have this rule for that day: the room door must be left opened at all times to prevent some desperate recruits from having quickies behind closed doors. ='> what a rule!!!
anyway... that's about it...
my life sucks now... looking forward to the amara stay though... -grinz-!!!

due to someone who complaint that my pinkish blog is disgusting... for the love of her and those who didnt voice out... i changed it...
and plus i put up this photo which me and ben took yesterday...
will blog again later...


talking about staying at home and not spending money?
bullshit!
the ij gals met up on wed (i think.) and i took a cab home. great. what a waste of my precious $6. sigh...
yesterday, i met shouie and huiwen to go east coast park to cycle... had so much fun yesterday... i finally mastered (not really but kind of successful...) letting goin my left hand... and then, we ate at macs... the mcwings are damn tasty... you should try if you have the chance. i brought them to this pet shop at marine parade and i saw this jack russell which is so so so small and awfully cute!!! he is about the size of two palms put together! anyway, i saw this grey little rabbit that i adored... am planning and considering to buy it although i feel that the cage is too bloody expensive... $79.9 i think... and the rabbit only cost $38 ++... hmmm...
we were so hyper that we decided to play arcade... but when we went to the ezone and found out that the pool table only cost 3 dollars an hour... we decided to play pool instead!!! we played 5 games and I WON ALL FIVE!!! (i think) woohoo!!!
aint i great at pool?! i thrashed mandy and now i thrashed shouie! hahahaha... nasty me... so ego but what to do... i seldom play and i still get to thrash people! ='>
it's time to change a new blogskin... too dark for my comfort... eerrie...

pei jun is in hospital since saturday(?) and i only knew about on monday... sheesh... anyway, went to visit her yesterday with bern and i can declare she was really really fine. okay, from her behaviour i mean. so bumpy, so chirpy and so giggley... wonder why the nurses are still keeping her there...
anyway, i went to sign up for driving with bern later... signed up for the theory test... can you imagine? bern brought me there... and knowing nothing, when the woman asked for my ic, i gave her my bus pass and she asked, "basic or finals?" instinct told me, basic. and then she asked her my atm card and valah! i signed out already... dont even know what the heck was going on... just like that. sheesh... now i got to study for it. sigh. and practical sessions are so damn expensive...!
talking about money... dont know what i've been doing lately. mum sort of 'scolded' (not really scold but lately she didnt tell me off so yesterday's talk was considered a scolding) me last evening. i spent, ok ok, emptied all my savings and earnings in an incredible short period of time. and somehow, she knew... and she said she was so disappointed that me being 19 yrs old still have no sense of planning and saving and being thrifty.
which, also brought me to a turn pointing in life. it's a bit upsetting... i kinda broke now, and i dont think i'm going out with friends for the time being... got ben's atm card in my hand and i aint going to touch it untill there's an emergency (that's how broke i am...) sigh...


i love my kor.
having a kor kor is one of the most blessed things in the world that can ever happen to a person.
kor kor can fight with you when you were young.
rather, kor kor can teach you all those punches and practise with you.
kor kor can also help to defend you from your parents' nagging.
kor kor can help to pay for you and you wont feel pai seh cos, he IS your kor kor.
kor kor can also listen to ALL your problems becos, he is your friend, your kin and everything.
kor kor also has an answer to all the problems... and always there for you.
simply, kor is the best.
i know ever since i am in pri 3, kor dislikes me so much that we dont talk much and we fight most of the time we see each other. mum told me later, that's becos he was jealous that being the younger one, i got everything i wished and seldom get scolding... but then, when i was in sec 3, we became close again. it wasnt a one night thingy but i dont know... we just clicked.
now, he is in army and i get to treasure him more... i feel bad everytime ben broke out and i spend most of the weekend with him... knowing well, that kor also broke out then and i am neglecting him. but, no matter what, he would stay up late at night on the weekends to wait for me to come home... and he will try his best to communicate with me... of course he always goad me and tease me like... how much he can eat, sleep and not exercise and can still have a washboard tummy while on the other hand i got to make sure i exercise regularly... and always telling me to stop fussing over what i wear cos no matter what, i am still 'ugly'.
but hey, as a result... i dont have the attitude 'i am pretty' sort of thing... not that vain... and more down to earth... things he dislike about girls... (whinny and clingy and needy and bitchy and slutty) he will try his best to remind me not to do that (that's why i dont whine at him too...)
here i am, all thanx to my kor.
i love you, kor.

okay,
for the past whole week, i have been running around (doing errands for my boss, accompanying my mum to pray my grandparents (qing ming jie) meetin frens, exercising, making presents and sleeping late) and as a result, i have been gorging up fries, fried food, MSG loaded noodles and cokes and as a result, ten new pimples are found on my face. sigh, all that pms and stress and lack of sleep. whatever.
anyway, thursday was one of my most tiring day... it was something like a grand finale. i got to wake up early, to do a quick jog, followed by printing some stuffs for boss, followed by making presents, followed by going round and round taka deciding on which brownies to buy, followed by going to propNex to do some telesales and then followed by meeting ben and catching the 12:15 hellboy movie. poof! i slept at 4am and officially annouced myself dead.
which also resulted me in getting up late, at 10:15 and missed going for the good friday mass with ben (starts at 11am). and what i did yesterday was amazing! i continued to make another prezzie for ben... tidied up my room and went to his house at 4, chat with leonard (found out dat with $400, one can get a car there, mandy hint hint) and then ate alittle bit of pizza before sending ben off to boon lay. phew, and when i travelled back home on the train, i slept so so so soundly that i think those sitting opposite me was staring at me. cant even recalled what happened. i just woke up at toa payoh station, realised it was too late to get out, so stopped at novena instead... and WALKED home.
so i slept at 11 last night and woke up at 10 today. should have replenish all my energy... looking forward to go out with kor later... it has been so long since i've spend some quality time with him...
happy easter in advance!

dah dah dah.
met up with shouie and huiwen today... both still healthy and strong... (der.) and lots of giggles too. what a pity that i got to leave half way and travel all the way to cck and back again... just to spend more time with the girls...
but, that's not the main thing i want to remember today.
I SAW SIEW TZI TODAY!!!
she just whooshed pass me...
nonononono... she called me... and then whooshed pass me... what a total surprise...! and it brought back so many memories... this friend of mine was the one who went out with me nearly every week to watch movies... this friend of mine was the one who introduce me to romance books... this friend of mine was the one who change my wardrobe and thus shaped my character and opinions. yeah, this was the friend who was there when i was maturing... the one who taught me that f word sucks and it is disgraceful to use it.
aye... now, i lost contact with her for so many months... so many many many months...
sigh...
wonder what is like tmr, what time ben's booking out and whether i will be meeting him anot...of course i would be glad to meet him but, the recent mishaps have sort of marred my heart and i am abit lost.
sad to say, i am happy, and chirpy on the outside but, when i am left alone... things just come back and haunt me. damn it.

another thing is that,
i cant really expect him to accompany me to mass in cathedral. the naive me in the earlier days believed that if one really loves you, he will be willing to give up everything for you. well, i have another set of beliefs now. i guess, there are somethings people find it hard to part with. not many accept changes easily. i like to go church, esp cathedral; the place always comfort me somehow... no matter what nasty incidents i encounter there, i always want to go back... i prefer it better to go with him... his presence comforts me... but, i know he misses his church badly, cant blame him, he grew up there...
~~~
i thought of mandy then, a friend who is a bit less closer to me than ben is to me. yet, a friend that has showed me much more of God to me. indirectly, (i dont think she even knows) she introduces me into the faith. she was like an angel. i learnt so much from her, yet sadly, i dont think i showed her enough appreciation.
~~~
to come and think about it, some friends in life, you never really appreciate them or know what they have done for you until something happens. it might be too late to thank them then.
but now, i would like to thank you, mandy. without you, hell, i probably be rotting somewhere. you never know this, but you are the one who stops me from crying, you are the one who brings me a smile when i am so sad, you are the one who inspires me to live on. thank you, dear.
for now, some things are coming to an end. some feelings some hopes. if i have to walk alone, i must. for i cant whine and cry, for that's not me in the past. i have been so weak and dependent. perhaps it is really a time to change and grow, perhaps it is really time for me to attend mass alone.
after all, it is between God and me.

alright,
one of my dearest friend complaint that the music background blogskin was a bit hard to read. so i am changing it for her. shouldnt be any problem this time round right?
well,
nothing much to blog for the time being. heart is still too sore to write anything down. all in all, i attended the palm sunday mass yesterday (my first time...) it was great in a sense that i finally understood what passion of christ meant but i didnt enjoy the mass...
wonder if i can or dare to attend the good friday mass. if i am going, i will be doing it alone. and the thing is that i dont know what to expect, and somemore, i wont be receiving communion(it is a weird feeling cos you are blocking someone's way out and they will give you this curious look that says, since you are in church why arent you receiving communion?)
well, it will be a difficult decision to make.
which also prompts me to join the rciy (or whatever) faster... novena and risen christ have not started their english class yet.
and what's more... someone, something, some words have just turned my whole world around. i am speechless dumbfounded numb about it.

okay,
my update of my abit exciting week...
pardon me if i have been ignoring you all for the time being... pardon me if i have broken any promises i made. think i did... supposed to call bern to meet up today right? or are we going to meet? or whatever... i know i have to do something... probably initiate something but this week is just too precious...
why?
course ben is out... and i am spending more and more time with him...
yup.
and we went to watch passion of christ yesterday... somehow, ben upset me before the show, so i was weeping slightly before it started. and then, upon seeing the beating of christ, i broke down. cant help it, someone already set me in a weepy mood... embarrassing right? and i got a lousy seat too! this guy in front was blocking my view becos of his big head! and it turns out that, the guy is from cjc and we know him. (pingzhi should know him too... he is the one from JI, from hua chong sec, then repeat J1)
sigh...
and now... someone's been sending me annoying sms from icq! cracking my brain to go find out who that bloody idiot is... i am warning the person... (if you happen to read my blog too...) this aint funny and i aint jealous of what you wrote... just pretty annoyed and ben said that if you ever do msg me this type of stuff... we're going to the police. i am totally sick of this.