shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


about the last blog, i didnt surprise ben at all. instead, i waited for 5 hours and end up going home alone, cos ben couldnt broke until 7. and surprisingly, i wasnt angry at all! just pretty sad that i didnt get to see him... anyway, i am just so happy the way things turned up during the weekend... saw three movies, cold mountain, sth gotta give, and timeline... all rocks!
anyway, getting down to serious stuffs.
been talking to ben about future and stuffs...
and i came to a part where i am really lost.
do i really need to go to university?
do i really need to get a degree?
people will tell me i need one to get a good paying job.
but what will that job be? is that the one i want in life?
do i really want to be in singapore?
do the universities have what i want to study?
i dont think so in both questions...
what is there for me? you know, i am never a christian or near that. but somehow, i always believe in God. in many parts of my life i've been blessed by God. i really wish i could see what God has planned for me.
i like to shop, like to watch movies, like to sleep, like to dream and like to be lazy. but, that kind of happiness, do they have a meaning in it? are they substantial? are they a fool's dream?
who i really am?



haha! i am back!
went for pilates yesterday with ping zhi and pei jun and it was awesome. but then, i dont think i would ever try again... all that sucking in of one's tummy is horrible! couldnt join them later for kickboxing cos i was made to work till 9!!! sheesh.
anyway, i am going out now to hang around at pasir ris... and give ben a good surprise.
ciao!

this weekend is so boring...
i thought i wont feel that lonely or depressed... i miss ben....!!!
-sulking-
i am totally bored to death... am so bored that i am so disgusted with myself... wat to do?
kept reading my romance books... am really a sucker for those stories that has this handsome, gorgeous, powerful, rich hulk... no, a duke more precisely or maybe a laird. whatever... me just floating in cloud 9.
sigh...


i am sooo depressed now...
i started off the day with a chain of diahorrea.
well, since i didnt meet ann since prom night, i went to town to meetup with ann and huiwen.
i learnt a few stuffs...
firstly, there is this rumour that 'A's result will be out on 3rd March... -gasp-
secondly, you need MOE approval before being able to teach in any school... (as in relief teaching for a period of time)
thirdly, Mr edison is out of CJC (whohool!!!) i dont like him!
next, you can check your sat results online which i just did and which also make me feel so sad.
i got 20 marks lower... which is kinda expected cos i left 12 questions blank out of carelessness.
well, i think i am seriously redoing my 'A's. but then ann and hui wen were telling me that studying outside school requires so much discipline and that is something i lack of. but then if i were to repeat, i cant. cos brother paul wont want me.
Reason 1: i am super inactive when i was in CJC
Reason 2: i have no better qualities for him to consider taking me in
so i guess going back to CJC will be a NONO for me.
and what's more, it hurts my pride...
this is so depressing. wow, 13 more days ( if the rumour is that true... ) i will see where i am heading to. sigh.


You represent... naivete.
So innocent and trusting... you can be very shy at
times, but it's only because you're not sure
how to act. You give off that "I need to
be protected vibe." Remember that not all
people are good. Being too trusting will get
you easily hurt.


What feeling do you represent?
brought to you by Quizilla


hmmm...
sorry people... guess i was still over the moon when i was blogging that i didnt realise i havent saved the changes i made to the template...
well, i am seriously bored to death at home...
been reading "whitney, my love" over and over again... sigh...
will blog again when something interesting happens again.

btw, read the straits time and there is some sydney riot and blah blah blah... is my dear mandy ok over there? i darent even tell my mum about it in case she changes her mind. Damn. take care mandy.

hmmm... i just added the photos...
'dis a long blog right?
enjoy!

hello everyone.
me is back from the dreamy, almost perfect valentine's day... took me so long to pull myself back into reality... sigh...
i was telling bern about how i was feeling about ben and our relationship the night before v'day. we were sitting at the playground next to thomson plaza and we started talking... was telling her how i felt about ben treated me... and also how i dont expect anything from him yada yada...
then when i went home... he called me. he had this nonchalant tone about v'day, asking me whether i made a reservation anot, blah blah blah and slightly insulted me... i ended up so angry and then wrote him a letter... a long one plus a bit sad.
next day, i went to work... ( was actually so happy with myself... everyone thought my last day was on sunday but inside me, i knew that this day was going to be my last. cos i am going to PON tomorrow!!! -grinz- ) and so after work, i happily went home. was so hungry that i rushed into my room, flung off my jeans and ran out for lunch. mummy ate already so she sat down and watched me eat... then we started talking and talking.
at one point, she said, "i gave ben 6 water chestnut to eat... it should relieve all his heatiness before his seven days field camp"
then i said," really? when? how?"
then she looked surprised, "huh? you dont know meh, i thought you went into your room?"
me even more surprised, " my room? what?"
then she said, ben just came.
Sheesh! i dashed into my room again. only to find a big bouquet of roses on the mumu soft toy besides a big bag on my bed. i was simply speechless... huh? and to come and think about it, i didnt even see that when i was in my room earlier on! and when i sat on my bed, staring at the flowers with some-still-what-disbelief...
i felt like crying...
it felt so sweet and so so so surprising.
all the while, i had been thinking he was so uncaring...
all the while last night, i told bern that he wont be giving me anything...
all the while, i have resigned to that fate...
all the while late last night, i wrote him that letter...
now this.
what can i say? Guilty? shame? what? i really dont know...
and then i opened up the big bag... it was a huge (by my measure) foreverfriends bear... so sweet... and i had always been bugging him for a bear... and HE REMEMBERED!!!
what more can i say?
i was so so so touched. and all i gave him... a tiny baby sock filled with rice and a wire holding our picture stuck to it... and a curved candle in a champage glass... and a belated b'day card... that's all! compared to his teddy and flowers...
anyway, i went to his house and we took a cab down to chijmes... i had also made a reservations at le cave restaurant... so i let him pick... he chose bobby robinos... it was so so so romantic... we sat under the blue sky and there was this light breeze... ( and the heartshaped balloon behind my chair keep flying between us... but the atmosphere was just right... i had lamb and as usual he had steak. and all's well... ( too bad the food wasnt as good as i would imagine it to be...) we dined till dark... it was simply lovely...
then we took a walk around the place... and i was telling him that if i ever had my wedding dinner i would hold it in the chijmes hall...
then we walked to cine... to watch along came polly... not too bad but could have been better show... anyway... i was just so happy and dreamy that i just didnt give too much a damn about the movie... want to go to singapore river for a walk but decided ben was too tired we went home instead.
then i stayed up late to make him a card...
the next morning... i went to attend mass with him at novena... and he was like keep hinting i should attend his church's rcia or rciy... hmmm... still considering that... but i would prefer novena or risen christ... see how first lah... then in the evening i went to his house to send him off...
sheesh... he wont be out the next weekend... going for a seven day field camp... sheesh... me going to be so lonely...
and what's more me not working now!!! sigh... that's my v'day...
'dis a God's blessing that everything was perfect.

p/s: i am adding an extra icon for you all to view my v'day's present!

heehee.
i am back. and tmr is v'day. and i havent prepared any single present for ben. that's is very bad. it spoils my image (the caring girlfriend image) and what's more... the mug i painted for his b'day (still havent pass him yet) is in the dustbin. it is a bit too shitty... so it deserves to be in the dustbin than in his room.
anyway... bern has made reservations for tmr's dinner but i still havent. dont know what no. to call too... i think i'll just made ben queue for food lah. if not, then maggie mee will do. v'day is all about fun and love, not food (i'll let ben get that idea)...
think i better go now... before i decided to be too lazy to think about presents...
ciao!

p/s: thanx weize for that msg. i think somehow someone somewhere has somewhat tell you something. i am abit problematic...your darling must have a hard time being my friend. -grinz-

hope you all will like what i changed.
red is abit too... bright i guess. hard to read.
yup. hopefully... no one you all know has the same design as me...
yup.
take care, loves...

haha. for some reasons, i am reallly really pissed.
am really really pissed.
am still very really pissed.
am still really very pissed.
someone should know what's about since i wrote her a lengthy email about it.

but i cant help it.
it shattered my dreams.
am still really pissed.

oh well, i will pissed off now.

wow, i didnt blog for 9 days... interesting...
anyway, am pretty busy nowadays...
i am still working at ntuc (shaw plaza) just in case you forget... but good new is that i am officially quitting on 15th of feb. what's more, i am planning not to turn up on that day.
ok, besides that, i am helping out my formal tutor... in real estate... mainly, i design flyers, posters, find suitable houses for his clients, make calls and blah blah blah... not earning much but it is fun, and time is flexible... heehee... any one of you need to look for any type of house, ask me... i can help!!!
anyway... celebrated ben's birthday on sat... which also explains why i am not blogging lately... havent pass him his present yet... am touching up abit, course it really look very cheap. what to do? me no money what... and v'day is just around the corner... sigh... busy busy busy.
will blog another time... cya!