shuxian: enjoys cold minty shower in the morning, reading in the train, getting lost in daydreams, running in the open, browsing in a bookstore, having a slice of cake in the afternoon


oh did i mention how sad i was after the sat test?
not that i was worried abt how badly i had done (missed out the entire passage due to the "i thought i finished and five minutes before it end, i rechecked again and there was one more passage to read" thingy...
i was more upset about yvonne... kept thinking about it even it had been a week.
well, i met her after the sat, which was a mere coincidence...
and i had absolutely nothing to talk to her...
it felt so werid...
so i thought since i went over to say hi when i spotted her, might as well strike up a conversation...
however, the whole time she was like distracted by her odac friends... and stuff.
well, that's it... i got nothing better to say...
then again, as usual, she had something important to do and rushed off in her uncles car...
well, i was really disappointed...
first of all, i regarded her part of my ij clique... even though, 99% of the time she wasnt there and almost all the rest give up hope on her... i never... i thought she always has a space for us... deep inside she cares.
well, obviously i was wrong.
called her the other day to go back to ij and she said something like, oh chinese new year's eve is very hectic for my mum and i think i want to help her... blah blah blah
she always has a reason and
i think it is SUCH a COINCIDENCE that everytime we have a gathering and she JUST happens to have something important going on. more important than us? when she told me, you know, the ij clique means a lot to her and she tells her odac friends that she places us as the first piriority.
is that a big fat lie?
she told me she missed me and she wanted to meet up with me SOON.
here's the catch, how soon is SOON?!
and how much she misses me?
is she sincere...?
after two years of excuses of being busy, does she still have my trust?
i think she lost it and i think she doesnt even care...
friends forever, i beg your pardon.


i havent been blogging for so long...
as long as i can remember...
the previous one doesnt count...
i had quite a busy schedule... not really if you look closely at it but generally i am busy enough to have little time to blog...
well, one of the most significant thing i can remember was i sort of made ben cried...
felt really bad afterward... at first i was like, everything is his fault and stuff... but then in the end... i kinda too blunt and mean... so...
i really felt so mean... didnt mean to...
anyway, i think i'll clear up with him probably this sat...
i managed to spend some time with mandy though... thank goodness i happen to check my timetable and i realise that was the only free day and so immediately went to msg her...
thanx mandy for watching peter pan with me... the guy so cute right? sheesh... i also forgotten how to knit... remember you told me something on top something below, blah blah... well, i tried yesterday but hehe... i tied a knot instead! so yar...
also i manage to meet up with boon before he enters commando... haha... i also cant believe that melvin is in commando!!! that guy always eat a loaf of bread before he comes to school... everyday leh, he munches and munches during the first lesson in class... sigh... eat like that still wont get fat and still got into commandos... wat can i say? jess, me and boon ate at fish and co before i went to meet mandy, which also explains why i am so broke now...
sigh...
i am planning to quit my job but then the stupid chief cashier says no... heck... once i get my pay i will chao! and planning getting a dog SOON! hehe so happy...
there, i think i have written enough for the time being... going to meet my ij friends soon... tahtah.
pssst... i am addicted to friends now... been downloading episode after episode... heehee.

in the darkness,
the girl walked down the corridoors,
looking for that only door that brings her warmth and joys.
she found that door...
it shone brightly among others...
she gathered her strength, her will
and rushed towards it.
it only got brighter...
but
when she reached the door,
it slammed shut...
her heart was broken...
gone was the trust,
gone was the faith,
gone was the everything that keeped her going...
darkness engulfed her
she surrendered willingly.


hmmm...
okay, just want to say that i am so please with myself for the 'walkaton'... went to raffles place to get a 12R photo for my kor... when i was about to go home... i thought that since bus fare is so expensive ( i spend 5 bucks yesterday already) i decided to walk home... hah! i started down from supreme court to chijmes to plaza singapura to far east square to novena square and finally home... took me 1 and a half hour and mind you, i was brisk walking... though, on the way, i ate ice cream, tried a honey and dont know what heaven and earth tea ( i tried to avoid all those promoters but i failed to spot this one, so he opened the can and trust it into my face... so no choice lor... ) and i took three packets of carefree barely there pantyliners... not greedy okay... this stupid girl just gave me so much, what to do? sigh... anyway, when i was at the newton food centre, i was already having two blisters and weak knee...was tempted to take bus, but i kept telling myself if i take bus, i will waste all my efforts... so no choice, drag my sore feet all the way home...
now, i am about to go to work... with my two new friendly blisters... welcome to the world of hardship with low paid jobs! bleah.
suprisingly, i havent thought of ben today... ( yeah lah, until now... ) kept thinking how am i going to squeeze in time for visiting ping zhi, doing some last minute shopping, bake some new year cookies, and tying up my room... life is a mess now...
better not tell mum that zhi got involved in a bike accident or else i am really NEVER going to get a bike... oh man...

hmmm....
first of all, all's well yesterday... went to send ben off yesterday... it was a nice trip though... better than i imagined... xcept that i didnt get to see him get his new hair cut... pretty nice experience... his grandma went along... and we get to travel around tekong in a van cos his grandma cant walk much... cool huh?
but then, in the night, ben called and complained that his soap and shampoo got stolen... who's that idiot that stole MINE aloe vera shower cream and MINE green tea shampoo huh? gotta skin that idiot alive...!!!! but, how's my ben going to bathe huh?! so sad... he's going to be smelly...
anyway, ZHI is in hospital now!!! oh my goodness! when fel called and told me that... it didnt really registered in my head that she IS in hospital... i mean i know she is in the hospital but i just didnt seem to realised that she is injured... (of course badly lah....) and then, when i tried to go back and sleep and then bern called... i just got shocked after she put down the phone. opps zhi is really in the hospital...
oh no... think i sounded too casual over the phone when talking to bern and fel... but i was half asleep, half day dreaming half mind shutting... so it took me one hour to realise that... disappointing huh...
anyway, i cant go and visit her today... got to work from 6 to 12... it is going to be so boring...! wahhh...
hopefully, i can take some time out to visit her tomorrow... either at her house or in the hospital...




this is really bad...
someone has the same blogskin as me...
dah... actually, great! now i have one more reason to change to a new blog skin!!!
me so sad now... ben will be going to the camp in about two hours time and me is supposed to be at his house in an hour's time... dis bad... dont know what to wear... and dont know what to do when i am left with his family on the return journey...
wahh...
dont want to go but yet have to....
wahh...



hmmm...
you know something... i love chinese new year... dont know why, somehow i think it beats christmas... maybe becos christmas wasnt much when i was young... but chinese new year seems more meaningful... lots of cookies, sweets, fun, all those cooking running in and out, trying to decorate my house, get to go crowded china town and of course hong bao...
just went to get new year cookies an hour ago... surprisingly, it brought back tons of memories... like when i was glancing at all those sweets, they look so pretty and inviting but then i no longer have the urge to buy then... why? i know i used to get so gaga over them... maybe becos i have grown up... maybe becos... i dont know... it just brought back many many many happy memories... i guess i want to thank my mum for all this... if i ever going to be someone parents, i want to let them have the most beautiful childhood memories they can have... it is so priceless...
anyway, i bought the scott puppy toilet roll!!! anybody know what's that? it is this ultra soft toilet roll that has flower prints on it... and it comes with a wrapping that has a puppy on it... well, the promotion was buy one and get one free soft toy puppy... been eyeing it for a while... (i work in ntuc remember?) and finally, to my surprise my mum agreed to buy for me!!! yeah!!! so happy....
anyway, i think my blog takes a very long time to load... so i think i want to change it again... tiresome right... hopefully the next blogskin will last a month... hopefully...


this sucks totally...
i want to meet up with my ij friends ( miss a movie with them the previous time and i am already so regretful about it... ) but then i cant bear to spend a bit lesser time with ben.
the thing is that me and ben have been really a lot closer now... ( dont know why, just all of a sudden... ) and i am treasuring all this moments... when he enters army... i think opportunities of being together slim down alot. but then, i kinda want to meet up with my ij friends leh... this is really really tormenting.
and what's more... my mum wants to go out with me tomorrow! that's really bad.
i just realised that i am working night shifts on tuesday... which mean i got to celebrate the 13th tomorrow. how??
oh, and i just realised it is tiresome to think of a title whenever i blog in the ij blog... however, i WANT a title for each of my blog now!!! this is so contradictory.

anyway, i really hate NS. four day and ben will be botak! and i will be so miserable...
bad, bad...

all right,
i decided to change my layout again cos i so damn bored...
hope you all will like it... i find that clock interesting though... -grinz-
will pack up and go to work now...
btw, i finally downloaded the song britney spears, me against the music. yeah!
and to all the experts out there.... i cant seem to include a title to my blog leh... help!

okie... i think i am a lazy bum...
worked morning shift yesterday and was planning to go out and stuff... but in the end when i went home, i sat on the bed and i thought... what a nice day to be AT home... so...
was reading this book about dogs adoption ( or whatever ) and it was such an mind opening bk. was glued to it until one am last night... which explains why i woke up late today...
anyway, was kind of regretting being such a lazy bum to cancel the meeting up with ben... he is going for this stupid computerised pilot selection test... which is going to take five hours... and that means i am not going to see for the entire day... alright alright, i know he just left my house... but then...
okay i will stop it. downloading brother bear now... ciao!

hmmm...
i learned a new lesson yesterday... in the a bit hard way.
when shopping for food and stuffs yesterday with mum yesterday... decided to pay for everything since i got my 1st pay... so yar piled more and more chinese cookies along with one carton of beer for papa and yada yada... the bill shot up to hundred plus... jeez... should have kept quiet... -heehee-
anyway, went for movie with ben later... (the school of rock) and it totally ROCKS! man, that's real some show man... way too cool!!! and then i brought ben to that meridien sushi shop... have so much fun there...
i think all these while people who tried talking to me or have to hear what i say, have hell lot of trouble... firstly i sounded husky... (maybe you find it sexy but i seriously dont) then i sounded as if i mumbled. thirdly i cannot pronouce all the "k" "s" and "v" and a few more letters. customers who tried asking me questions upon hearing me usually ( 9 out of 10) give up. so yar... this is that bad. so sigh...
my class got outing this sat... dont know shd i go anot... i kinda want to spend more time with family but this class gathering seems too rare to be missed. anyway... i dont know...
alright, for everyone's information, yvonne is back from thailand just now... (wondering how many people actually knew she was gone in the first place...)
alright, i will go to bed now...

meanwhile... i am really considering a puppy. choosing between adopting one or getting that $1200 beagle from sookee kennel... most likely the second choice is out... cos me a beginner plus my mum, (scare of dogs) $1200 doesnt seem to be very appealing... sigh.



is it my imagination or what, that none of us in ij clique want to blog now...
hmmm...
alright well, i think when i visit my own blog i feel a bit guilty to be so sorrowful...
life is so fun and exciting, well, sometimes actually...
hmmm...
i think i am going to change it again but that has to be on someday free... i dont know any html at all so i have to figure out which command is to do what all the time... tiresome...
anyway, was thinking about my ij friends yesterday, i realised i havent seen mandy since 23rd of dec! sigh... i didnt even make time for her... to come and think about me meeting my cjc frens tmr... this is bad...
and then i havent even message bern yet... i think i didnt reply her or something... (if you happen to read this, message me. ) suppose to go out or something...
think i have been too busy... i completely didnt study or touch my sat test book... and i didnt even start knitting. but then, what have i been doing lately that seemed to consume all the time? i cant think of any. strange huh?
well, for the time being, i think i'll just try and spend more time with ben. please understand that he is going in soon and i want to be with him as much as possible... (if mandy happens to wonder why i suddenly die off...) that's all... today's my offday... and i want to really enjoy it...
oh forgot, cant really enjoy cos i lost my voice... sigh.

all right.
after two and a half hours of editing and thinking, i finally can declare that this will be the official blog for me in 2004...
why did i change?
cos, blogdrive has very limited blogskin... and over here i can choose something i like and cut and paste...
yup.
that's about it...